Current mood:

weird

Evil in Drag


“This,” Sally said with disdain, “is a dump.”

She looked at the two girls leaning against the bar, raising her eyebrows in a “whose idea was this anyway?”-fashion.

“Relax, Sal,” Di said, moving a strand of Vy’s black hair behind her ear. “We’ll just have a couple of drinks and then move on. Isn’t that right, Vy?”

Vy nodded, lazily flicking the straw in her drink with the tip of her tongue. She shook her head to bring the strand back again. Di sighed. They had spent so much time cajoling the youngest of them into adding some more color and flare to her life, but she insisted on keeping her hair the way it was. Not long enough, not short enough, and she would never let them do anything to it but add a few fake flowers.

Di took it all the way; her corset flaunted the equipment she didn’t have, and her hair was a complicated arrangement that could make any girl green with jealousy. This was obviously half the point… Di screamed fake, fake, fake – and did so in a way that made it look just real enough.

But neither of them could outdo Sally, of course. She had been in this game longer than anyone else. To quote the movie “Too Wong Foo”: “Larger than life – it’s just the right size!” Sally was everything the other two could dream of aspiring to. Elegant, smart and beautiful, she never stopped at anything. What might seem “a bit over the top” on Dame Edna, looked juuust right on her.

“I say we just get out of here now,” Sally pouted, tilting her hip as she placed a perfectly manicured hand on it. “There is a creepy old guy in the corner checking us out.”

Vy’s tongue automatically played a bit more intensely with the straw as her eyes drifted to said corner. Then she froze, her tongue still hanging out like a lapdog’s. She stretched out a hand with silver-glittering nails and poked Di.

“What? Oh…”

Sally suddenly found a girl at each elbow, pushing her quickly towards the exit.

“You are so right, darling,” Di squeaked. “Bad place. We’ll go somewhere else.”

Soon they were click-clacking down the street as fast as their stiletto heels would carry them. They didn’t calm down until they had rounded a few corners and were safe and far away from the bar.

“Girls, I want to know exactly what…” Sally began, but was interrupted by a voice from a nearby alley.

“Don’t move.”

They looked towards the dark alley, and a dozen glittering pinpoints looked back. Blue, green, gray, brown and even a few red dots were sparkling disturbingly brightly in the dull, yellow light of the street lamps.

Then they stepped out of the shadows. The sparkling orbs were the eyes of nearly a dozen girls; all of them impossibly beautiful. Even the few who were skinny still had curves in all the right places, like a fun-mirror, only you could see both the scrawny original and the curvy reflection at the same time.

The girl who seemed to be the one doing the talking for all of them was a gorgeous blonde wearing tight jeans, a “Linkin Park” top and too much attitude to fit inside one teenage brain. No wonder some of it leaked out.

“We have been watching you,” she said in a low voice.

“We feel so privileged, I am sure,” Di said, yawning demonstratively.

“Shouldn’t you girls be in bed now,” Sally stated more than asked. “If you will excuse us, there is some fun waiting to be had.”

“You are not excused!” the girl exclaimed. “We have been watching you.”

“You already said…”

“You can call us… the Sues. Our mission is to exterminate all who believe that they are more beautiful than us. Thus you will now die.”

“We don’t *believe* it, darling, we *know* it,” Sally concluded.

“Sues! To arms!”

In one-two-three swords were drawn, wands rose, and cleavages deepened. The leading Sue opened her mouth to charge, but suddenly a piano dropped out of nowhere, crushing her and the five girls closest to her. A tuba took out two others, and a set of drums and cymbals finished off the rest before they could flee. The noise slowly died away, and Sally and Di turned towards Vy.

“Vy?” Sally said with calm fury. “Did you bring your wand?”

Vy pouted, not looking up, hiding her right hand under the red feather boa.

“Oh, be fair, Sally,” Di said, waving a hand dismissively. “She can’t go anywhere *without* her *wand*, can she?”

Sally reached out a hand and pushed away the feather boa, revealing the length of wood Vy’s hand was holding.

“Give,” she said calmly. Vy pouted even more, her free hand twiddling the loose strand of hair. “Vy… give me the wand. No magic on girls’ night out, right?” No reaction. “Don’t force me to do this, Vy. Don’t make me call you Se-“

The wand was pushed forcefully into her hands, and Vy crossed her arms, sulking.

“Now now, none of that,” Sally said, tucking the wand into her purse. “C’mon, the night is young and the Sues are dead. And the piano is not beyond repair. No need to be upset.”

She slipped her hands under their arms, leading them firmly towards the neon lights.

***

“This is so much better,” Di sighed, sinking into the pink couch. “And so much gorgeous, mmm, meat…”

Vy nodded, gracefully picking the plastic sword from her glass, suckling on the cherry on the end. Her artful tongue gained much attention from the club’s clientele. Especially from one…

“I. Don’t. Believe it,” Sally said, drumming dark red nails on the table. “That creepy guy has followed us here!”

“What gu-uh-oh…”

Vy and Di scrambled to get off the couch, but it held them captured in its suffocating softness. The “old creep” was crossing the dance floor, colorful robes flowing and reflecting the light in a tasteless amount of glitter. Sally, who had stayed upright due to her experience with being stuck in soft furniture, crossed her arms over her chest as he reached them.

“Good evening,” ladies, he said cheerfully. “I must be mistaken, but it seems like you are trying to avoid me.”

“We are,” Sally said dryly, not noticing the way her two friends were covering. “We prefer men our own age, if you don’t mind.”

“So that would make me too young for you, would it, Salazar?”

Sally quirked an eyebrow and raised her chin sharply. “The name is Sally. Do we know each other?”

“Oh no, I just know your portrait. Allow me to introduce myself, I am Albus Dumbledore, as I think your two friends can confirm.”

Sally turned towards the others. “Di? Vi?”

Albus reached out his hands and gentlemanly helped the two ladies to their feet, very nearly toppling over instead.

“Salazar Slytherin,” Albus tsk’ed, looking at Sally again. “Haven’t they told you *why* they decided to hide from the wizarding world with you?”

The tall woman gave the other two a stern glare. “Girls? Have we been telling half-truths again?”

Di shrugged and crossed her arms, giving Sally a defiant stare framed by thick, fake eyelashes. “I don’t see that we have anything to explain,” she said. “’S not like we were hiding from certain drunk mishaps like someone…”

“Di-i-i,” Sally warned. “This isn’t about me, it is about you. What did you do? Why did you really need to hide, Voldie?”

“That’s not my-! Um… Hmf. There might have been a small war we forgot to mention,” she muttered.

“And?” Sally pressed.

“And… and I might have kinda been the one who started it by coming back from the dead and cause a lot of havoc.”

Vy squinted at the little plastic sword which was now bereft of cherry. The stalk of the cherry was tied around it.

“And then he – I am sorry, *she* - disappeared without trace just after killing Severus Snape,” Albus added helpfully.

“Vy?”

Vy looked up from her fascination with the stalk, and looked at the people surrounding her. Then she shrugged and proceeded to tying another knot on the stalk, still not involving her hands in the project.

“So,” Sally breathed, “that is some story, girls. But why the Hell are you interrupting our fun by ripping up in old things?” She looked Albus up and down meaningfully.

“That was not my intention at all,” the old wizard assured her, rubbing his hands together. “You merely looked like three gorgeous ladies out to have some fun. This old man still knows how to boogie, I assure you.”

Sally shared a quick glance with the others, and then put a seductive hand on the wizard’s shoulder. Vy and Di quickly closed in on both sides.

“Then let’s get to the fun stuff, Dumbie. First of all dear: No one says ‘boogie’ anymore…”



The End.











The prologue

The Muse of Yaoi: Salazar Slytherin, also known as 'Sally'. Well, he and Voldie should get along just fine I think. Dressing in womens clothing and hanging around in bars...

Mistress of Tales: o.O

The Muse of Yaoi: voldie should be nicknamed di... yeth. it ish goot.

Mistress of Tales: Di! Gods yes! Write!

The Muse of Yaoi: Di and Sally? why don't you write it? I'm not a writer!!!

Mistress of Tales: *twitch*

Mistress of Tales: waaant...

Mistress of Tales: Sally, Di and... Severina?

The Muse of Yaoi: rina

The Muse of Yaoi: no, vy

Mistress of Tales: Yeth!

Mistress of Tales: And we'll pimp it on Snape-A-Day

***

And that we did.